Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
