Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize