swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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