I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he shaved USA in his pubs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
