I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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