The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
