chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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