please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
