Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
