Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
