watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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