So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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