Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
