bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
