I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
