I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
