Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
