i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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