Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
