thus making me awesome and them whores
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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