My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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