My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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