Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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