I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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