my vag is so smooth its legendary
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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