We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
