I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
