Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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