if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
