I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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