Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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