so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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