You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
