I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come share oat with me in your robe
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
