i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
