At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.