If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt