Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse