i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
