their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
