im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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