dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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