I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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