That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My vagina just recognized that song.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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