Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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