I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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