we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
