i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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