And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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