Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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