There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
