at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
