The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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