cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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