I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
