I want you more than these girls want KFC
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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