The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
