Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
