I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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