Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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