my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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