U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
