You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
