I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
