Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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