can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
