I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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