Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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